Thinking of quiting med school. Seen far too many deaths. I guess I have to get used to it someday, but I don't think I'd ever. How can one ever get used to telling those families that they have lost their loved ones. I can never be that heartless. "Sorry, but we did all we could."
Oh well, I guess that's life, there's an end to everything.

I'm so tired. Getting less and less sleep everyday. Freaking out over the BIG exam. We're going to have to operate on that poor little girl's heart. We are her only hope. Without this, she's not going to see another month or so. How sad is that?! How can I ever be a doctor? Having to face such sad problems day in day out.

If only this was a dream...

My Best Girls!!

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!

Mr Hairulnizam

Do the things at night that go bump scare you??

Its 1120am this morning and I'm up. I slept at 530am and that leaves me with 6hrs of sleep! Hmm..why am I complaining? 6hrs is a fair amount of sleep one can have. Maybe because for the past few months I've been getting at least 8hrs sleep. OMG! why the fuck am I sleeping so much when there's so much things to be done?! Alright, new resolution (even if its in the middle of the year), no more < 8yrs of sleep. Deal? Deal!

So about last night's marathon... It started with RING2. Fuck that show is fucked up man! I have to admit there were moments in the film that I barely had my eyes open. It was bad, now I images with Samara (I think that's her name) - the freaky girl who doesn't have time to cut her hair coz she's dead! On the whole I think I might give the show a 7/10. I think this one was better than RING. Maybe because for ring, the jap version was the bomb and nothing could outdo it. As for RING2, I never saw the 'right' version of the jap version so I had nothing to compare it to. So if you're deciding to watch RING2 and u haven't watched the jap version, I'll say go for it. but for those wanting to just watch a scary shit movie, I think Amittyville Horror, White Noise and BoogeyMan is going to be heaps times scarier.

Movie 2: Assault on Precinct 13.
Here's an outline of the movie. Its about an about-to-close police precinct. Due to the snowy weather the most-wanted mobster (Fishburne) is temporarily incarcerated at the doomed Precinct 13, which receives renewed, unwanted attention from all sides of the law. Basically its a fight for suvival between the 'police' and the people in the police precinct. It was a movie that kept me off my seat. I'm not sure if it was the fact that I was dead tired or the movie was really heart-pumping. Well, mags reckon its both. I'll give this movie a 8.5/10.

Movie 3: Meet the Fockers.
I have to admit by the time it came to this stage, I was dead. So we decided to chicken out and head home. =) the movie was alright although I though Meet the Parents was better. How would I know? Well, to tell the truth, I've already seen this in Singapore. I'd rate it 7/10.
~

Now that was about all that happen between last night and early this morning. I'm feeling guilty as my work has finally caught up with me, so its about time i sit down and start doing my assignments. Sigh. Its the Easter break and I was thinking it'd be good to do some catching up. Well I'm lucky enough if I'll get through half of what I planned to do. So with no futher ado, I shall bid adieu and head to the books - where I belong.

Lovers

HAPPY EASTER to everyone. Its that time of the year where its chocolate galore. Every corner you turn, you'd see chocolates!!! Not that its a bad thing, but it makes you wonder what would the world be like if chocolate never existed.Hmm..wonder what the kids would get during easter?! Carrots?? haha..

Anyway talk about chocolates. Here's a story I must tell. The other day I decided to go easter egg shopping for my in-laws. (hmmm..fancy me saying that). Anyway so went to K-mart and looked around for the perfect chocolate, and boy do I find the PERFECT one. =) Saw a 1kg chocolate pack. It had a 300g easter egg with a 700g chocolate bar. Thought to myself

"yup that's the perfect gift man. It says Crocker on it for sure."

So I got that and a My Little Pony set for Caroline and myself. I couldn't be happier with the gifts I got. Apparently the other day, John came and brought 2 small eggs for the family, Caroline just pointed to the big pack and John's response was "You've gotta be kidding me!". Everyone's been laughing at that. Good job ner.
~

So its Sunday now. Mark's been gone 31hrs and 34mins and what have I done? hmm...had a girl's night in last night. We pampered ourselves from head to toe. This included a facial mask, a hot bath and hand and body massage. Oohh god it felt good. Its a must for all girls out there to try this at least once. Then the rest of the night was filled with hot gossip and a scary movie to end the night.

Today, went for mass early morning. Had to get in touch with my spiritual side. Felt good to self- reflect, and thank god for what I have. Then we girls, headed down to manly to check out the surf (and of course surfers..hehehe). It was such a BEAUTIFUL DAY!!! The sky was soo blue. No clouds in sight AT ALL. Wish I could stop time and save this day forever.

Well, now I'm back home and getting ready for a movie marathon or so I think. Everyone's bailing out on me! *sob sob - whine* ARGH!!! Well I guess it really ain't that bigga deal.There will be a time where I can experience it. Someday, sometime soon..

~

Anyway, Happy Easter people. Enjoy your eggs.

Its 2am and its Good Friday. A day of sacrifice. A day that marks the end of Lent. A day that marks the start of the Easter holidays. What a significant day it is huh?
Okay I have no idea what the hell I'm typing as my mind seems to be focus on only one thing at the moment: SLEEP. So I'll keep this short and sweet yea. Just finished watching Shark's Tale, and I'm amazed that I actually found it good. See, ever since I met Mark (Mr. Critical), I simply have lost the passion of watching dumb, useless, feel-good movies. I too now seem to over analyse every good script there is. I'm actually begining to hate chick flicks. WTF?!?!
Am I losing the essence of pure entertainment?

Okay I really think I should go ZzzZZzz..before I rattle of more nonsense. Goodnight ya all!

I hate rainy days...

Has anyone noticed the changes to the page? If no one does, I'm embarrased. Been working on it for quite a while. Haven't really lost my touch in html. ;) I'm proud to say.
anyway its raining again. Sigh, the past few days have been soo wet n COLD.
~
Okay, I kinda left it there for a while. Not that I had nothing to write but I had to leave uni before the rain got heavier. Have I mentioned that I hate the rain?! Well, I used to love rainy days in singapore. The smell of rain on the hot ground and on the grasses were awesome. It always felt like home. BUT over here, it ain't the same I tell you. Rain is one thing, the WIND is what gets to you. It might be pouring and here you are carrying the umbrella so tight that if it were alive, you'd kill it. Then along comes the wind. Let me warn you here down-under, Mr Wind ain't that always nice. He'll blow your brolly till it comes to a point where you'd rather be wet than trying to fight for your life against him. So there..that is why I hate the rain.
~
Hmm...I really should be catching up on all my readings for this week and the week after, but noo instead here I am writing up another blog for all of yer to read. I guess that's just you Edz. hahaha..thanks for reading my nonsense anyhow. You must be really bored huh?! Poor boy.
So, where was I? oh yea my readings. Well, would I rather go read about ethics, the nuclear war and about maculinity n feminity??? I reckon not. But I really should. ARRRGGHH!!!

Love?

Began to think about love. What is love and how does someone know that he/she is in love? Is love something that is instilled in us or are we taught how to love one another? If that's the case then we can blame our parents for all our heartbreaks and the pain and rejections we go through. Oh well who am I to complain? I have always considered myself blessed in this area of life. My very first love turned out to be the man I wanna spend the rest of my life with. Of course we have our problems (like who doesn't ?!) but we seem to be heading the right direction in life and I'm happy. Well that's the most important thing right?! to always be happy in whatever you do.
~
I don't know what it is tonight
Your smile, your eyes
Even in a candlelight
You shine so bright
And you're so beautiful
More beautiful than you've ever been
I catch my breath And fall in love again

I can't imagine where I'll be without you with me
I need you every day more than words can say
I want you in the life
And for all the life
This night will never end
You take my hand And I fall in love again

I've been sure that a miracle could've brought you here to me
When I'm with you Heaven's all I see All I see
Caught up in ever touch I feel the rush of this moment
back when we're here
Each time we kiss I fall in love again I can't resist
I fall in love again

So what did I do today? Played around with my blog again. So please bear with all the changes that I'm trying to do to my site. Other than that, I actually signed up for a neo pet. OMG! I know I know I'm alittle behind times but what the heck at least I have one now. Its this cute little fellow. Her name is lil_notie_ner. How appropriate don't you think. HAHAHA(synical laugh).Oh well, been playing around with the site for almost an hour now. Getting alittle out of my head. Think its best to tear myself away from that and hit the bed. Its been a long day. Pretty tired from doing absolutely nothing!
~

Nothing!! Well, uni was pretty alright. Got me thinking about gender and how we're all affected by it. How media plays such a huge part of education that influences our lives. I never saw it till someone says that that's the way and then I finally see the light. Slow huh?

Spoke to my mum. Dad's pretty tired. Its all the stress from work. They're getting older and I'm realise that it is time for me to step in and do my part in the family. I miss home and I want to go back badly. So what's going to happen between me and my love? Well, there has been discussion about our future and not to worry its not going to end. We're just going our separate ways for a while now just to get our lives into the right perpestive. We're still young and there'll heaps of things out there that we both have yet to discover individually. So to actually start somthing together I guess you have to discover some stuff on your own first. So yea I'll be heading back home this July. Start my career and hopefully that'll be somewhat successfull. *fingers cross*

~

okay its getting late and my eyes are beginning to feel heavy. So I'll wish you goodnight and sleep tight with pleasant dreams.

Oh my another week has gone by. Where on earth do time go? Its like in one moment I'm thinking of 'it', in the next 'it' has gone by. I really hate the fact that I can't control time.
Its almost 12am here and I have a quiz tomorrow. Its nothing BIG but I have to get as much marks as I can where possible. So why am I online when I'm supposed to be studying?
Go figure!!

So last friday was a complete success. Can't believe after all that planning the event has gone past me now. Whoa!! It turned out that there was no tutorial, so wasted an hour infront of the computer printing out useless but somewhat needed notes. Headed to the squash courts for the weekly exercise drama. Turns out that only Mags and I would be the only one playing for the 2nd hour. Everyone else had better things to do. Like packing to go to LA the next day. Boy do I wish I could go on a holiday. The US sounds really good! NEway back to the game. I must we played hard. It was a great set of 5 games. Can't believe I won. 3-2!! I was soo tired at the end of it, my body sored and the balls of my feet hurt so bad. Great games tho!! Have to do it more often. Once a week is definately not enough. Must sign up for gym! Problem is that all the gym passes are so fucking expensive. Why the fuck would you pay so much just to use machines to give your body a work out. That's INSANE man!

Went home and started to get ready for the Big Night In. Did 4 hours of cooking. Cooked stew and my 'famous' curry devil. I must say everything turned out alright. I'm proud of myself.
Guests starting arriving at around 8pm. Had a really good dinner. Then it came to the desserts. My oh my do debbie make the best tiramisu, bread pudding and oreo cheesecake. Regardless how full I was, I stuffed myself with all the sinful cakes.

~
Then it all began. The night was still young. Out came the alcohols. We played our usual game of 3 kings. For those that don't know the game. Well, you have 3 kings, 2 queens, 2 jacks and depending on how many players you have the A's fill up the rest. So, everyone gets one card. If you've got a KING, you have the chance to make up a rule. E.g No saying the word 'drink'. So whoever messes up and says that word has to drink a shot. A queen allows you to take away a rule, a Jack means you have to drink and an A's means you're clear. So as the night grew, everyone started coming up with the weirdest rule (winking when you talk, patting your head, rubbing your stomach, naming parts of your body b4 speaking) and of course we had people who suck at the game. There's this one that keeps saying the word 'drink' when the rule is not to say it. She'll go

"Oh you said the 'drink' word. Opps, I just said the 'drink' word."

She just kept saying the word 'drink' till finally she had the queen and abolished that rule. Its the funniest game when there's plenty to drink with loads of people.

The night ended with the spin the bottle game which I won't go into details as I'm bound with secrecacy. All I can say is that, the night was a success and I'm proud of it!

Okay its Friday now and guess what?! I have surrended myself to being the cook for 20 people. Imagine that! " WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!"

Geez...what's more its raining, so its cold and wet. Perfect time to cuddle up in bed and sleep. And little Miss Busy here now has to go play squash with people who are like 20x better than me! Even my love doesn't want to come close to be seeing playing with me. What a loser?!
Oh well...till then WHY ME?!

Sometimes in a relationship, going through hell isn't so bad if you come out of it a little stronger. The same is true about friends. - Felicity

Dear Felicity,
Here it goes. I've watched you for four years. Always wondered what you were like... what was going on in your mind all the time that you were so quiet, just thinking, drawing in your notebook. I should have just asked you, but I never asked you.So now, four years later, I don't even know you, but I admire you. Well, this makes me sound crazy, but I'm okay with that. So take care of yourself.

Love, Ben
P.S. I would have said "keep in touch", but unfortunately we never were in touch. - Felicity

Once again, I'm at uni filling up my time with my best friend, the WWW. I just suddenly realise what I'm going to post up in my blog! I should write down all my favourite quotes from anything that I've read over the past few years. Those include from Dawson's creek, felicity or hopeless romantic chicken soups.

So there it is. I've posted one of my favourite lyrics at the moment. It kinda explains what I'm going through right now. It speaks the truth . At least I know that I'm not the only person feeling lost about love.

Someday Someday - Thirsty Merc

So we've already established the fact that things are gonna be different in the future baby
and you've reiterated the fact that you don't want to get into something
that's just gonna have to end later.
now I know our lives are changing and I've seen it coming
for a while too,don't get me wrong
and I've been going outta town and baby it's gonna happen more
we gotta be strong but now

while I'm gone just be a fly on the wall
you know I'm thinking about you
just wait and see you gotta hear what I say
I'm in love with you
I'm not so far away

someday someday, I will be there babe
Someday someday I will be the one babe
Someday someday I will be here babe
Someday someday i will be the one babe

i know you gotta go to university and i'm just trying
to make some cash to follow my dream
but please don't say we're too busy
to give each other time and support we need
i know we gota work our jobs and make some money t
o get by this expensive world
don't let that overtake the fact that
before all that you were still my girl
while I'm gone just be a fly on the wall
you know I'm talking about you
just wait and see
you gotta hear what I say
I'm in love with you
I'm not so far away.

Someday, someday I will be here babe
Someday, somedayI will be the one babe
Someday, someday I will be here babe
Someday, someday I will be the one babe
Someday, someday I'll know that you love me

Someday, someday Sorry that I'm leaving
Someday, someday I will be here babe
Someday, someday I will be the one babe
I'm in love with you
I'm not so far away

Someday, someday I will be here babe
Someday, someday I will be the one babe
Someday, someday I will be here babe
Someday, someday I will be the one babe
Someday, someday I'll know that you love me

Someday, someday I just need you here with me
Don't have to try Love will take us there babe
Someday, someday I will be the one babe
Someday, someday Look towards the sky babe

Someday, Someday There's no need to cry babe
I know that you're always what I want babe
I will be the one babe Someday, I will be the one babe
Someday, I just need you here with me

Here I am once again. Wow twice in one day. Not a bad start to this bloggin thing. Hmm..what have I got to say? Life is begining to actually look some what on the brighter side. I'm loving the subjects that I'm taking this semester. We get to talk about facts of life. Now ain't that something. I truthfully look forward to going into uni every fucking day. but hey it's only the 2nd week so can't say much there.

So far, these few weeks back have been great. Things with Mr.Right is going pretty much where I guess it can go for now. We had better days but its life, and I'm confident ít'll get better. Been having loads of birthday parties and I'm fucking broke right now. Don't people ever see the point of 'its the thoughts that count'. We live in such a competitive world where everyone is trying to outdo everyone else. Geezz...do I really want to live in such a world?

So this is me. Here I am, finally have a blog on my own. Fitting in to the 'in' club. Exploring the wonders of the World Wide Web. How am I feeling about it? Well can't say I'm all that excited, sharing my thoughts, words and feelings to the world out there. At least it gives me a chance to say what I wanna say without having to sound like a complete idiot when I talk to myself.

Playing around with the colors now. Hmmm...green my favourite color for the past 2 months. what's with this color - beats me?! All I know is that everyone around me now seems to associate the color gree with me! yaay...what an accomplishment! At least there's something out there that people can associate me with. Great Job Done!

Alright, so now that I have posted my VERY first blog. what next? Do I have to subject myself to writing in an entry every fucking day. well, we'll see...so till next time ask yourself..why me?!